Posted by: facetothewind | November 6, 2007

A lifetime of sensitivity vindicated…

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I went to the audiologist today about the ringing in my ears as a result of the antibiotics I recently took. The doctor tested my ears to reveal something I had not expected…that I have bionic ears – an extraordinary hearing range that is beyond his equipment’s ability to test. This was news to my ears.

The ringing and hearing loss he said could not be classified as a hearing loss because even though he doesn’t doubt I’ve lost something, I’m still left with a range far beyond most people. And he said, the ringing would seem more prominent to someone with my range. It may go away. It may not.

I have spent a lifetime being told I’m too sensitive, once called “the most bothered person I’ve ever met” by a friend. All my life I have thought I just need to dumb down, get over it, tune things out, re-focus on what’s in front of me. I’ve been tormented my entire life by barking dogs, squeaking fans, snoring people, loud, shrill people, other’s conversations. I will obsess over the perfect white noise – must be a hampster cage fan. I take fans back because they rattle. I stuffed pennies in my car’s dashboard because it squeaked. I can hear a cricket munching on a roach in another room, magotts in a compost pile, people whispering in bed behind closed doors, water dripping inside a wall – with earplugs in!

And now at 43, I know why I have not been able to just “get over it”- because I have the hearing of a blind person.

As soon as I got out of the doctor’s office, I called Cupcake and burst into tears on the phone with him. Finally realizing that after all this time, there was nothing wrong with me, there was just a lot more right than I can handle was kind of vindicating. I now have scientific proof that I’m sensitive and I don’t have to ever even attemp to get over it. I just need better earplugs and a mobile white noise generator. Of course Xanax helps.

And so hey, maybe a little hearing loss would be a good thing. Think of all the money I’ll save on earplugs and hamster cage fans.

But a word of advice: don’t whisper about me if I’m within a half mile – unless you want a transcript of it on my blog. 🙂

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