Posted by: facetothewind | March 29, 2008

Everything you ever wanted to know about truck nuts and more…

After an eveing at the Tucson Dairy Queen witnessing the parade of truck nuts in line at the drive in window, I felt compelled to do some truck nut research. If you do a search on the web for “truck nuts” you’ll find the following:

A guy who has all the nuts at the best prices and “best service” wink wink. He’s like Crazy Eddie of truck nuts. He holds the nuts and yells at the camera: “They’re all veiny and stuff…not that I look at nuts.”

And hey, they’re made in the US!

Then there’s the place where you can get silver, gold, TITANIUM nuts and light up nuts when you hit the brakes!!! Huzzah!:

You can even find them with padlocks so no one will abscond with your nuts.

Then the State of Virginia tried to ban them (unsuccessfully):

If you just can’t get enough of the truck balls, there’s also a site where you can buy earring nuts, nuts for your military tank (!), clear ones, ones that have 4-circuit LEDs inside, solid brass, stainless steel, keychains, and BEHOLD there they are: BIKE NUTS! (“Perfect for the smaller ride that needs nuts!”)

My favorite is the stainless steel real cowbell nuts (“No longer available for Christmas delivery.”):

One website advertised “half-off” – oh dear. The visions of testicular cancer or an industrial accident made me cringe. That’s about as good a marketing pitch as the Chevrolet Nova in Mexico. (Nova=No Go in Spanish.)

Anticipating the accoutremental gender wars to come, how about a vagina for your Volvo or some truck titties? Couldn’t find ’em. Just reclining nude mud flaps. For now you’ll have to settle for the Antenna Lady:

And finally, what good would truck balls be without the disclaimer at:

“Make sure to tighten your bolts on the hanger so your nuts don’t fall off. we are not responsible for stolen balls. You are responsible for how you hang your nuts, please make sure they are secure because at Bumpernuts safety is first!!”


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